You can say no

I want my fianc�e's exes to die violent, painful deaths

Is it wrong of me to wish that certain people from her past would accidentally be run over by a truck?

By Cary Tennis

Nov. 14, 2006 | Dear Cary,

I'm getting married in May, but my fianc�e is still talking to her ex-boyfriend. She tries to cover it up with maturity, saying that things are over, that they split up for practical reasons and that she no longer has interest in him, that I have nothing to be concerned about. I think it's bullshit. He obviously wants to be with her, and admits it. She even thinks that if we moved to the same city we have an obligation to have dinner with him. I would rather call Mike Tyson a sissy than eat dinner with my wife and her Porsche-driving ex-boyfriend pal.

Another of her exes lives in Tokyo and when I mentioned traveling there someday, she told me that we would stay with him! I definitely don't want to sleep in the same freaking house with someone my girlfriend used to have sex with.

Lastly, her latest boyfriend, whom she went on vacation with and had sex with while we were broken up last year, went to college with her. In the next few years, she will have a reunion with her old class, and she wants me to shake his hand and meet him.

We had a lot of on-offs in the first year of our relationship, and I don't want to see any of the men she used to be with. I want them to get hit walking across the street. She thinks this is immature. I think it's realistic. Don't I have a right to a wife who cuts everything off with her exes? Do I have to meet them? Do I have to be friends with them?

Immature, Selfish Fianc�

Dear Immature,

No, you don't have a right to a wife who cuts everything off with her exes. What you do have a right to is your own feelings and your own decisions. There is nothing wrong with feeling that it would be creepy to stay with your wife in the apartment of her former lover. You don't have to do that. You can say no

They aren't his friends. Dinner, not a big deal. Once he sees you with his former gf, he'll take the hint. Shaking hands? So what, she's marrying you, not him.

But women can be stupid about this. He can be civil with them, but they are NEVER GOING TO BE HIS FRIENDS, and she needs to stop acting like that is possible. They have competing interests. Now, if they had girlifrends, being civil is possible. But she's acting like because she liked them, he has to like them as well.

He needs to speak up. It's not immature for him not to accept these idiots as people he has to spend time with.